Begin Again

I hadn't talked to Tiffany since she robbed me. She sent phone text a couple of times but that was it until Tuesday. She sent a text while her son was with me after I picked him up from afterschool care. He decided to text her and asked her to call him.

I asked him if he wanted to have a short visit with his mom. He did. At this time, I don't plan to ever have her at my home again, too much destruction follows her. We met for a one hour visit for dinner on Wednesday evening. DJ was very nervous and frightened. He has seen her be unpredicable but never violent. I asked what was he most frightened about and he said that she would hurt me. I reassure him, his mom loved us both and she would never hurt us on purpose. He reminded me she robbed us.

Again, the drug addiction talk followed. It's a disease, she would never do that if sober, bla, bla, bla. I feel like a broken record but also believe DJ needs to hear this over and over. His mother loves him, she just can't show him at this time. He was then frightened that one of her friends would hurt me and she can't control her friends. More reassurance.

We went to meet her on Wednesday. He was tentative, quiet and very cautious. As soon as he saw her walk into BJ's, he broke into a large smile but stayed by my side. As soon as she was to the table, he was in her arms.

This one hour meeting, where she had to leave the table 3 times for various reasons, reminded me why I still have contact with Tiffany. This is for DJ to feel loved, cared about, wanted and safe.

Although she has not worked in years, has been in and out of jail, DJ has kept his hope and love for her alive, so much better than anger and resentment. He will take the feeling of love for his mother into adulthood, not be poisoned by what he cannot change.

The visit went well enough that we will have another. Last month I thought it was

best to terminate her parental rights to keep DJ protected, this month I know he needs to maintain that realtionship and as he gets older, will learn more about Methstruction.

Today, he remains innocent, unaware of the very real possibility she could die from an overdose, bad dose, accident or be murdered. Today he is smiling because he saw his mother and she looked "normal" to him.