Not the Time or the Place

Folks, live and learn.

I can't do this on this Blogspot.

Our life with Tiffany remains an unending roller coaster.


She is still out there using and homeless, this is her and one of her homies.

It is just too painful so after two entries, back to my Hillbilly roots and lighter topics.

T

Begin Again

I hadn't talked to Tiffany since she robbed me. She sent phone text a couple of times but that was it until Tuesday. She sent a text while her son was with me after I picked him up from afterschool care. He decided to text her and asked her to call him.

I asked him if he wanted to have a short visit with his mom. He did. At this time, I don't plan to ever have her at my home again, too much destruction follows her. We met for a one hour visit for dinner on Wednesday evening. DJ was very nervous and frightened. He has seen her be unpredicable but never violent. I asked what was he most frightened about and he said that she would hurt me. I reassure him, his mom loved us both and she would never hurt us on purpose. He reminded me she robbed us.

Again, the drug addiction talk followed. It's a disease, she would never do that if sober, bla, bla, bla. I feel like a broken record but also believe DJ needs to hear this over and over. His mother loves him, she just can't show him at this time. He was then frightened that one of her friends would hurt me and she can't control her friends. More reassurance.

We went to meet her on Wednesday. He was tentative, quiet and very cautious. As soon as he saw her walk into BJ's, he broke into a large smile but stayed by my side. As soon as she was to the table, he was in her arms.

This one hour meeting, where she had to leave the table 3 times for various reasons, reminded me why I still have contact with Tiffany. This is for DJ to feel loved, cared about, wanted and safe.

Although she has not worked in years, has been in and out of jail, DJ has kept his hope and love for her alive, so much better than anger and resentment. He will take the feeling of love for his mother into adulthood, not be poisoned by what he cannot change.

The visit went well enough that we will have another. Last month I thought it was

best to terminate her parental rights to keep DJ protected, this month I know he needs to maintain that realtionship and as he gets older, will learn more about Methstruction.

Today, he remains innocent, unaware of the very real possibility she could die from an overdose, bad dose, accident or be murdered. Today he is smiling because he saw his mother and she looked "normal" to him.

Methstruction of a Child

Where do you start to explain to a blank computer page about how Meth has consumed a family for over 22 years?

Child Protective Services placed my infant grandson in my arms after he detoxed from drugs in the hospital. He detoxed along with his mother, my child, who had to have an emergency C-section. He was born early but not too early. They stayed one week and she eventually got her program of recovery going and they both lived with me, along with the father.

Within one year, the parents broke up, the father was in prison and my daughter was on treatment for HCV. Most likely contracted when shooting up drugs.

At this point, I still didn't know it was meth. I didn't know much about meth at all but did know my daughter was an addict. Her first overdose was at 13 years old and first treatment after a horrible night watching her heart monitor jump around the 150 and 180 beats per minute with a crash cart next to her bed until she recovered. She could not tell the doctors what she overdosed on because she didn't know who or where she was. My baby girl who was suppose to be doing homework at a friend's house was certainly at the friend's house, but not doing homework.

That was the first plung of methstruction in our family, at the age of 13, what I thought was her hitting bottom was only just beginning.